GAMES
FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1.
Sag, you're It.



2.
Hide and go pee.



3.
20 questions shouted into your good ear.



4.
Kick the bucket



5.
Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend
Over.



6.
Musical recliners.



7.
Simon says something incoherent.



8.
Pin the Toupee on the bald guy





SIGNS
OF MENOPAUSE:

1.
You sell your home heating system at a yard
sale.



2.
You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on
them.




3.
You change your underwear after a sneeze.



OLD
IS WHEN:



1.
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
face.



2.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.



3.
Getting a little action means I don't need fiber
today.



4.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking
lot.



5.
An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!



Ponderisms:



In
the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.



How
is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?



Who
was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes
out?'



Who
was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its
butt.'



If
Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?



Why
does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's
going to look up there anyway?

Do
illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup?



Why
doesn't glue stick to the inside of the
bottle?