After closing time at the pub, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"Tis not a gong. It's a fooken' talking clock." the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Aye, it is!" replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch." the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment...

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You ASSHOLE!  It's THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!"