WORTH READING


            These are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Fractured
            Moments in Courtroom History,and are things people actually
            said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
            court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
            these exchanges were actually taking place.
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:       Are you sexually active?
            WITNESS:               No, I just lie there.
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:       What gear were you in at the moment of the
            impact?
            WITNESS:               Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:       This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
            memory at all?
            WITNESS:               Yes.
            ATTORNEY:       And in what ways does it affect your memory?
            WITNESS:               I forget.
            ATTORNEY:       You forget? Can you give us an example of
            something you forgot?
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you
            that morning?
            WITNESS:    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
            ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
            WITNESS:    My name is Susan!
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved  in voodoo?
            WITNESS:     We both do.
            ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
            WITNESS:     We do.
            ATTORNEY:  You do?
            WITNESS:     Yes, voodoo.
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person 
dies in
            his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
            WITNESS:    Did you actually pass the bar exam?
            ___________________________________ __

            ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how 
old  is he?
            WITNESS:     Uh, he's twenty-one.
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
            WITNESS:     Are you crapt'in me?
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was 
August  8th?
            WITNESS:      Yes.
            ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
            WITNESS:     Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:    She had three children, right?
            WITNESS:      Yes.
            ATTORNEY:    How many were boys?
            WITNESS:      None.
            ATTORNEY:    Were there any girls?
            WITNESS:    Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
            Can I  get a new attorney?
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
            WITNESS:   By death.
            ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
            WITNESS:  Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
            WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard.
            ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
            WITNESS:    Guess.
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant 
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
            WITNESS:     No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you 
performed on dead people?
            WITNESS:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 
Would  you like to rephrase that?
            _____________________________________

            ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you  go to?
            WITNESS:      Oral.
            ______________________________________

            ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the 
body?
            WITNESS:    The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
            ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
            WITNESS:     No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
            was doing an autopsy on him!
            ____________________________________________

            ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
            WITNESS:  Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
            _______________________ _____________________

            ---   And the best for last:  ---

            ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did 
you check for a pulse?
            WITNESS:      No.
            ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?
            WITNESS:      No.
            ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing?
            WITNESS:      No.
            ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
            when you began the autopsy?
            WITNESS:     No.
            ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
            WITNESS:    Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
            ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
            nevertheless?
            WITNESS:    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
            and practicing  law.