Navy Piano Player

A ragged old retired Navy Chief shuffled into a waterfront bar.  Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.  “I’d like to apply for the job,” he rasped.

The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old squid, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off.  So, the barkeep decided to give him a try.

The old Chief staggered over to the piano while several patrons snickered.  By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.  What followed was a rhapsody unlike anyone had heard in the bar before.  When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old Chief a beer.  “What was the name of the song you just played?” he asked.

“It’s called ‘Drop your Skivvies, Sweetheart.  We’re Gonna Rock Tonight,’ said the Old Chief after he took a long pull from the beer.

The bartender and the crowd winced, but the piano player went on with a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.  After he finished the Chief acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, “Spread ‘em, Baby.  It’s Foggy Out Tonight and I Need to See the Centerline.”  He then excused himself as he lurched to the head.

When he came out, the bartender went over to him and said, “The job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”

“Know it?” the old Chief replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”