Retirement Bonus

The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.  They promised any officer who volunteered to retire $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body.  The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.  He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter.  He asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hand to his toes.  He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, “From the tip of my willie to my testicles.”

The officer overseeing the administration suggested that the old Sergeant might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Sergeant insisted.  The officer in charge conferred with his superiors, and they decided to go along with the providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant to “drop ‘em,” which he did.  The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Sergeant’s weenie and began to work back.  “Dear Lord!” he suddenly exclaimed.  “'Where are your testicles?”