The Dogfood Diet

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena The Wonder Dog.  I was about to check out when a woman behind me in line asked if I had a dog.  What, did she think I had an elephant?

I’m retired and forced to entertain myself, so I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again. “I probably shouldn't,” I said, “because I ended up in the hospital last time, but I lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.”  The lady was watching me just like Athena The Wonder Dog does before I throw her ball.
“It’s essentially a perfect diet.” I warmed to the topic. “You just load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so I’m going to try it again.”  By now, everyone in the line was enthralled with my story.

“Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you somehow?” the lady asked, horrified.

Larry..........I do that TOO!  Good one!