A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Jeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?”

The parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a handicapped parrot.”

“Holy crap,” the guy replies. “You actually understood and answered me!”

“I got every word,” says the parrot. “I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird.”

“Oh yeah?” the guy asks, “then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”

“This is very embarrassing,” the parrot says, “but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.”

“Wow,” says the guy. “You really can understand and speak English, can’t you?”

“Actually, I speak both Spanish and English.”

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.”

“Pssssssst,” says the parrot, “I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!”

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, “Pssssssssst,” and motions him over with one wing. “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the UPS man.”

“What are you talking about?” asks the guy.

“When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.”

“WHAT?” the guy asks incredulously. “Then what happened?”

“Then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,” reports the parrot.

“NO!” the guy exclaims. “And she let him?”

“Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.”

The frantic guy demands, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”

“darned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!”