10. I Hate Every Bone In Her  Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an  Ugly Woman, But I Woke Up With A Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me Not Callin'

7. I've Missed You,  But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A  Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So  Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

4.  My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's  Lookin' Better with Every Beer

 And the Number One  Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To  Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All  Day