1. A woman in labor is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your arse but NO, you said that might hurt! 2. I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough! But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes freaking nuts!!! Women, I just can't figure them out! 3. A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a freaking photo-copier." 4. Little kid catches his mom and dad having sex. He says, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We are making you a little brother." The boy answers, "Why don't you do it doggy style, and make me a puppy!" 5. "I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister-in-law." 6. Dear Dr. Phil: I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded, watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

Those are cold!  Excellent...but cold!