I went to buy a new dipstick & tube and everyone showed me a STRAIGHT one for a 454 Chevy bigblock. The one I am replacing curves under the block to the oilpan. Is mine wrong or are the car shops not showing me the right one?

There were a few different tubes from the factory depending on the configuration of the vehicle the 454 was in. The straight aftermarket tube is meant to be bent to fit your particular application. You might be able to get a pre-formed one from one of the vette catalogs. Try www.riksvette.com or ecklers or midamerica.
There are also lots of other sites.