25  REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER   

1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just  finished  cleaning."
2. My mother taught me  RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come   out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm  going to knock you into the middle of next  week!"  

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so,  that's why."

5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you  fall out of that swing and  break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me  FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in  case you're in an accident."  

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you  something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and  eat your supper."

9. My Mother taught me about  CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt  on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about  STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that  spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about  WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a  tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about  HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told  you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I  can take you out."

14. My Mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR  MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your  father!"

15. My  mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are  millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't  have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about  ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."  

17. My mother  taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going  to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL  SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your  eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't  you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me  HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN  ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables,  you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me  GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."  

23. My mother  taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door  behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"  

24. My mother taught  me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age,  you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: