8 MORONS OF 2006

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter
after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He receiveda
$26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent twohours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself insidehis home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered thatthe man was
standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up!"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, KS Kwik Stop and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? ?? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife
is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her
first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King
was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a
weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (heckooooooo! )

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating were
having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver
no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make
it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able
to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in
perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and
down, and the propeller was the correctsize
and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard --under the
boat, still strapped securely in place was the trailer!

#2 sounds like something out of a Looney Tunes cartoon!

Apparantly the boat owners in that last one didn't take the Coast Guard course "Boat Launching 101". That one really cracked me up.