FYI, If You like you can email me offline and I would be happy to give you many places to look up Selfishness and other places in the bible related to many things that are impacting you at this point in you life.

I have a book that I bought at a book store that I have found very helpful in my life and while it only directs you to certain places to read in the Bible its still up to you do make sense of the word and interpetite the way you see it.

The book is called  "Where to find it in the bible, the Ultimate A to Z resorce"  By Ken Anderson

ISBN 0-7852-1157-8

The great thing about the book is it will allow you to find quick subject matter regarding key words such as:

Adultry, Selfishness, Maturity, Imauturity, Emptiness, emotions(one of the largest Sections in the book), Remorse, Stubborn, Stupidty (not calling you stupid), etc.

Maybe this book and get you to a place where you can get the advice your looking for.

One thing that stood out out to me is the book of Jobs: Youth points out Mistake of Age - Chapter 32 verse 6-12.

Actually the whole Section on "Errors" is great reading.  This books directs you to where you can find each of the following topics in the Bible.

Not accepting Truth

Men Love darkness rather than light

Misled by error

Way of the Wiced

Deceived Hearts

Poisoning the mind

Empty Words

False Humilty

Well thats all I have to say as I'm afraid I might get off on a tangent.  We're all here if you need some input, but I think everyones first assesments are the correct one's and thats not from biblical knowledge, thats from experience, but the Bible might help you better understand our comments and what lies behind them.

Best of luck.

racer wake up.  I have to add a couple of few things to the other wonderful advise from good honest people who have no reason to steer you wrong.

1) cheat once odds are will do it again, man or women

2) if a chirstian girl is important, then she isn't it

3) talking to the person she poked, is wrong, just plian wrong.

4) if you do stand together this will always come up in arguements and fights, trust me, satan will not let this just go away.

5) don't take this wrong but, shut up,quit asking people to either agree with you, tell you what you want to hear, what ever, just sit back, pray, read the word, fast something, look at the facts, listen to the Lord and your gut, not your heart, your head, or your dick.

My advise: leave this one, heal, move on, pray, have fun, and get out of the way so God can do his work.

L

bloody hell I'm so confused right now.  I had reached the conclusion to just go with it, deal with each blow as it came at me, until I had a clearer idea of what would be best to do.  there's such a conflict raging inside me right now...lately I've been more than just ACTING apathetic...I've been actually not caring...wondering why the hell I'm sticking around for her...partly wishing I could walk away.  went to go tanning today and the cute blonde chick working there was very obvious checking me out...and argh.  it lasts until I start thinking about her as I've known her...the person that has so much in common with me, that I always have fun around...and then that apathy goes away and I know that I want to give her a second chance.  We've had a couple phone conversations over the past few days that have been the way they always used to be.  light, funny conversations in which we've laughed at each other's jokes, made references to silly, embarassing mistakes we've made in front of each other...and just enjoying talking to each other.  she's starting to show affection and caring a bit more openly again.  the fact that there's a chance that we can start from square one, date casually and get to know each other again, re-learn how to trust each other, and eventually get back to that really great point we were at, that's what's making this hard.  I know I should probably walk away even though I care about her so much.  but what if that's the wrong move and I lose the best person I've ever met.

*bangs his head against the wall*  ahh.  much better.

A few words from another "old fart".  Many, many years ago I was in a relationship with "THE one".  It ended badly.  Just when I thought there was NO reason for continuing to walk the planet I was reintroduced (another story) to my bride of the past 27 years.  Life happens - live it...!!!

What has happened to this point in your relationship WILL ALWAYS be a problem in the future if you continue with her.  As hard as that may be to accept - BELIEVE IT...!!!  "THE REAL" one is still out there waiting to find you and you to find her.

So as far as the visit in September goes (since you've already put some cash out for it) be a gentleman, enjoy the time together as friends (and nothing more).  Then before she gets on the plane to go home say "Thanks for the wonderful time we have had together and enjoy your life in the future.  I hope we can be friends again someday." and move on with your life. 

Best one yet......I'd heed this advice. Being on the receiving end of infidelity can give you one hell of an ego-bruising.  Be a good host during her visit then cut it off, in a civil manner of course.

JR

I haven't been on the forum for some time now, and found this thread interesting. So I must offer my "blunt" advice.

So take this advice from the "Sarge" here and just slap yourself in the face to jar your brain into some sort reality. Then go look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "what the hell are you thinking man!" She ain't the only fish out there dude! You don't need this sh!t! It's not worth it. I've thought that several of my previous girlfriends were the one's to marry. Not! I've been thru 2 divorces, and they ain't cheap. Suck it up and get on with it! You can do better for yourself.

That's my .02 cents. Sorry if I seemed to harsh. But that's me.

Good luck...

Sarge

I don't want to take a harsh stand here, and I won't.

There are some severe warning flags you want to heed.  I would say most of the previous advice is on target.  But don't forget the other part of the good book's advice.   Forgiveness.

Yes forgiveness.  Does this sound like a contridiction?  No, not really.  This may have been a very weak moment that got out of control.  It could be a very bad and regettable mistake on her part.  We are all human, we all screw up.  It may be just that, and nothing more.  We have all done things we regret, and wish we had not done.

I'm not saying this is what happened.  I don't know.  Here is the tough part.  Which one happened?  A bad mistake in a weak moment, or a major screw up?  AND if a mistake, can YOU live with that forever?  Maybe so, maybe no.

Why not just be friends for now.  You don't have to decide your future today, or even tomorrow.  You have a lot of years ahead.  Somewhere down the road you may love and marry this friend.  Than again you may meet the right one, and still have an old friend.  Or perhaps you will marry the right one, and the old friend will fade into your past.

Don't be in a hurry.  You have time.  Use some of it for other things while waiting for an answer.  It will come if you are willing to wait for it.

All prayer is answered.  Somtimes the answer comes right away, sometimes a long time in the future when we think it has already passed, and sometimes we think we don't get an answer when the answer was really no.

And when the time comes and you are ready to marry someone, you might want to call me.  I am a registered minister in the state of Ohio.  Okay I did not go to seminary.  I got it on the internet.  I did do some study, it wasn't a freebe.  But I can't really say I'm a qualified minister.  But I am a legal one.  Wouldn't it be cool to have Corvette Wedding?    Don't worry, I'll wait.