Dear Tide:

I am writing to say
what an excellent product
you have.
I've used it all of my married life,
as my Mom always told me
it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties
I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago,
I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband
started to belittle me
about how clumsy I was,
and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another
and somehow I ended up with his blood
on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle
of Tide with bleach alternative;
to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday
told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called
and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief!
Going through menopause
is bad enough without being
a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again,
for having a great product.

Well, gotta go.
I have to write to
the Hefty bag people.