These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can! 't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

Apparently, not all lawyers have to go to school to practice law
Maybe that's why they say they are just practicing

Lawyer bashing.....gotta love it.

BTW, Wasn't "Disorder in the Court" a Three Stooges vignette?

JR

I have seen this before. But it's still good. Thanks.

This might be slightly off the thread but it reminds me of a couple of responses on applications for employment I have reviewed.
How long at your last residence?.....(response)..80 feet.
Reason for leaving last employer?...(response)..Stabbed the foreman.
Position last held?.....(response)..Third base but can play the outfield.
MR...MRS..or MZ.....(response)..You are not allowed to discriminate on a gender basis.
Sex?....(response)..Only when she says it's o.k.

There are some more but I can't remember them all.

Great stuff.

Great Stuff - You gotta love our legal system

My buddy went to law school....when he got out he sued his parents for wasting 7 years of his life

lmao