Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when

One said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."



The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."





Understanding Engineers - Take Two



To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.





Understanding Engineers - Take Three



A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.



The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"



The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"



The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."



He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"



The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."



The group fell silent for a moment.



The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."



The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."



The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"





Understanding Engineers - Take Four



What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"





Understanding Engineers - Take Six



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Seven



Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features

[QUOTE=Tuxblacray]


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven



Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features [/QUOTE]

I didn't think any of those were funny.

[QUOTE=dwright] I didn't think any of those were funny.














[/QUOTE]

No - No - Not the Blonde Jokes!!! I'M SORRY DAVE!!!!!

OK, but first, one last engineering (we'll call it a joke).

Program managers firmly  believe there comes a time in all programs when you must shoot the engineer and proceed on with production!

[QUOTE=dnv]OK, but first, one last engineering (we'll call it a joke).

Program managers firmly  believe there comes a time in all programs when you must shoot the engineer and proceed on with production!
[/QUOTE]

Well, I'm a Mechanical Engineer, and I'm sorry but I have to agree to all of the above. Guilty as charged.

Hey, like all professions, there are great ones and there are the others.  I am currently working wiht one of "the others".  I have worked with some really great engineers in my career however, like lawyers and my profession, consulting, when they are picking on us, they are leaving the others alone!

I never said they weren't true.