A friend told the blonde: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
> The blond then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
> ------------------------------------
> Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
> One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
> The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
>
> A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex.
> The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
> To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
> ------------------------------------
>
> A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
> She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
> ------------------------------
> A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.
> "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
> The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
> The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
> ------------------------------------
> A blonde guy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
> It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
> He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
> ------------------------------------
> A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
> "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
> "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
> "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
> ------------------------------------
> A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
> A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
> The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
> ------------------------------------
> A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
> Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
> She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
> "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
>  "Here boy!" she replies.
> ------------------------------------
> A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
> "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
> "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
> "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
> "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
> ------------------------------------
> (This one actually makes sense...lol)
>
> An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
> To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."