Definition of OLD

   First, you tell your friend that you are having an affair...

   Your friend asks you, "Are you having it catered?"

   That, my friend, is the definition of OLD!

    PERKS OF BEING OVER 50:

  KidnKidnappers are not very interested in you.

   In a In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

   No No-one expects you to run--anywhere.

   PeoPeople call at 9 pm and ask, 'Did I wake you???'

   PeoPeople no longer view you as a hypochondriac

   TheThere is nothing left to learn the hard way

   ThinThings you buy now won't wear out.

   You You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

   You You can live without sex but not your glasses.

    You You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

     YouYou no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

     YouYou quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

     YouYou sing along with elevator music.

     YouYour eyes won't get much worse.

     YouYour investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

     YouYour joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

     YouYour secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

     YouYour supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

     You  

     And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.