If I could, I'd enlist today and
help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands
of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC.



But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old
to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 35
to join the military.



They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off to
fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35.



For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex
a couple of times a day,
leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a
dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into

submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until
you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the
other
hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a
jaunt
through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60
would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.



Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because
we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial

number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed
and yelled at



and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.



We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the
obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and
I didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side,
nor did I ever do any pushups
after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now,
"Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part
is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave,
to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top
of his
butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.
He's still hasn't figured out that
a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in
the
back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about
life
before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those
dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last
thing
the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts
with
attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends
(It's purposely in big type for us old guys)

All good points.

Now where do I sign up... anything to get me out of this house away from that naggin old lady.

But how do I make a Hummer look and drive like a Vette? I bet I could build something. Hmmmm.....

I'm turning 35 in December......

I wanna get me some also.

Let's sign up.

Right on, all good points for us SEASONED ADULTS,they would have to have a bunch of tailers to make our uniforms,I am sure some of us have regrouped staturely,and you did'nt mention NAP TIMES,also where are we gonna park our Vettes ?

Great idea.I'll join too.
Bet the guys on this forum can outdo any car bomb the terrorists can dream up.Maybe a laser guided,all terrain,heat seeking,surgical strike type car bomb(using any car but a vette of course)!

I hear ya. We might not be able to get over there, but thats a good thing for the bad guys. Your right about the attitude. There going after the Marine for shooting a terrorist. The terrorist should thank alla this pissed off Marine isn't there, TAKE NO PRISINORS. semper fi

Rogue Wave said:... anything to get me out of this house away from that naggin old lady.

C'mon, Wave, they're a big reason why we'd make darn good fightin' men.

JR