> Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
>
> has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own
>
> hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
>
> license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
>
> other!!
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
>
> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
>
> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
>
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
>
> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
>
> SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
>
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
>
> SAFER: What did I do wrong?
>
> SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
>
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
>
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
>
> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
>
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
>
> SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
>
> SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
>
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
>
>
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
>
>
>
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
>
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
>
> 5. People Make me Sick
>
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
>
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
>
> 8. Pimples May Surface
>
> 9. Pass My Sweat pants
>
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
>
> 12. Pack My Stuff
>
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
>
>
>
> Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need
a
>
> good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money
talks...but
>
> chocolate sings.
>
>
>
> Another thing to giggle about...A husband, not happy with his wife's
>
> mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to
>
> monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When
she's
>
> in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next
>
> time he'll buy her diamonds. Here have some chocolate.

Very funny. And true.

Not hormonal, but close:

Subject: Good, Old Frank


A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by, as it starts to pour. He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab and as it started to rain, no less. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera basso and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more...He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out!"

Passenger: "Wow, quite a guy."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

Passenger: "Mmmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished, too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him??"

Cabbie: "I married his f$#%ing widow!"

dwright38835.8531134259

Hey guys, those were good!

I figure that Begium Barry's wife ought to be one happy lady with all of the great chocolate they have over there!