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Topic: How to spend your stimulus money...

in Forum: Humor


How to spend your stimulus money...

Posted: 4/6/10 1:41pm Message 1 of 5
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Frederick, MD - USA
Joined: 9/8/2003
Posts: 3398
Vette(s): 1969 convertible L71 427/435 4-speed black interior


Sometime this year,  we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.


    This is indeed a very exciting program,  and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

   

   

    Q.  What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

   

    A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

   

   

    Q..  Where will the government get this money ?

   

    A.  From taxpayers.

   

   

    Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money ?

   

    A.  Only a smidgen of it.

   

   

    Q.  What is the purpose of this payment ?

   

    A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set,  thus stimulating the economy.

   

   

    Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

   

    A.  Shut up.

   

   

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:       

     

        *  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart,  the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

   

   

        *  If you spend it on gasoline,  your money will go to the Arabs.

   

   

        *  If you purchase a computer,  it will go to India , Taiwan or China . 

         

   

        *  If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..

   

       

   

        *  If you buy an efficient  car,  it will go to Japan or Korea .


   

     

   

        *  If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan .

   

     

   

        *  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock,  it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

   

   

    Instead,  keep the money in America by:

   

   

    1)  Spending it at yard sales,  or     

   

    2)  Going to ball games,  or   

   

    3)  Spending it on prostitutes,  or     

   

    4)  Beer or     

   

    5) Tattoos.

   

   

    (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )




    Conclusion:

   

    Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !


   

    No need to thank me,  I'm just glad I could be of help.

 

 




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How to spend your stimulus money...

Posted: 4/6/10 3:59pm Message 2 of 5
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Dutchess County, NY - USA
Joined: 8/27/2007
Posts: 2484
Vette(s): White '79 Corvette. It's a driver.
Hey 'slinger,
Before I got to the "Conclusion:" my mind was racing to come up with a reply like that.
Slam dunk!!
Clap



How to spend your stimulus money...

Posted: 4/6/10 7:54pm Message 3 of 5
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Duncanville, TX - USA
Joined: 11/8/2003
Posts: 20214
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Hate baseball...can't afford a hooker...don't want a "tat"...don't drink....
Guess I'll be spendin a lot of time at yard sales....



Joel Adams
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How to spend your stimulus money...

Posted: 4/7/10 10:35am Message 4 of 5
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Manteca, CA - USA
Joined: 11/20/2005
Posts: 3623
Vette(s): 1978,two tone,Metalic Rootbeer & gold 1975 L48 4 speed
                        Embarrassed         .......If I spend it on the wife, she'll let me live happily and drink beer for a long time to come Big smile......... ( but, I know she wouldn't accept it so, I'll just go ahead and invest it in pure Rocky mountain spring water, with a little hops and barley)Wink                           


How to spend your stimulus money...

Posted: 4/7/10 10:37am Message 5 of 5
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Manteca, CA - USA
Joined: 11/20/2005
Posts: 3623
Vette(s): 1978,two tone,Metalic Rootbeer & gold 1975 L48 4 speed
........oh! PS ........I'll believe it when I see it.


in Forum: Humor


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