“Marriage Definitions” for the less than happily married:
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BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
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BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
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DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
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GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
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HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
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HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
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JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device that permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
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LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
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MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
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SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
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WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
~Socrates (469 BC-399 BC) Greek philosopher