MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE  

NICKNAMES

·                  If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

·                  If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

·                  When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

·                  When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

·                  A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

·                  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

·                  A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

·                  The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

·                  A woman has the last word in any argument.

·                  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

·                  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

·                  A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

·                  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

·                  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

·                  A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

·                  A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

·                  A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

·                  A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

·                  Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

·                  Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

·                  Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

·                  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.