These rules are from Neil Cavuto, the Business honcho on Fox News.  It's in two parts.  He really has these pegged! 



Surviving the Holiday Shopping Season

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

By Neil Cavuto

It's a jungle out there.

People are vicious. They'll chop you down in a New York minute. They'll step on you, grind you, abuse you and then leave you wondering what happened.

No, I'm not talking about life. I'm talking about shopping. And I know this sounds sexist, but men cannot handle this world.

I freely admit that I am out-flanked, out-run and simply out-gunned by far savvier and swifter female shoppers.

So guys, here now my tips for making this jungle a little more manageable.

Tip one: Have a list. Go in there blind and you'll be eaten alive, or worse, left to wander the mall like some hapless nomad, or worse yet, you'll look stupid. If you're waiting for ideas to come to you, you'll end up getting your wife designer mittens. And let me tell you this: Your wife doesn't want designer mittens.

Tip two: Don't comparison shop -- it's a waste of time. Sure you can find the same perfume a few dollars less at the department store on the other side of the mall. But it's at the other side of the mall! Do you really feel like walking there? If you see it, then buy it and be done with it.

Tip three: Make sure your item has a sales tag on it. I can't tell you the hell to pay at the register if it's missing one -- you're going to be there for months.

Which brings me to tip four: If the aforementioned item doesn't have a sales tag on it and you're up at the register, leave. Simply leave -- crying is optional.

Tip five: Avoid sales clerks who blink slowly. It pretty much means everything else they do, they do slowly as well. And slow blinkers have attitude. Avoid them.

Item six: Avoid female feeding areas -- sales bins and pretty much any area you find female shoppers congregating. Remember, they know what they're doing, you don't. And they know you don't. They will kill you. So step back, get out and pay more somewhere else.

Oh yes and one last thing, guys. Remember the "one-hour photo rule" -- in and out of the mall in one hour. Not a minute more. If you can't get this done fast, then don't do it at all. Your wife will understand, even if she does end up with just designer mittens.

Be warned. Be merry. Now go out there and make me proud. I expect a full report e-mailed to me as soon as you're done.

Godspeed.

 
 
Copyright © 2002 Standard & Poor's
 

Copyright FOX News Network, LLC 2002. All rights reserved.
All market data delayed 20 minutes.



Cavuto's Shopping Tips Part II

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

By Neil Cavuto

I was at this store the other day when bam -- out of nowhere -- this woman practically tackles me to nab the item I was looking at and snatches it out from under me.

I didn't know what hit me.

This cries for some of my world renowned Cavuto shopping tips for men and women.

Tip one: Don't tackle your fellow shoppers. They don't appreciate it. And even if you do get the item you want, don't be surprised if one of them follows you out the mall, trails you to your car, and then beats the living daylights out of you and steals the gift anyway.

Tip two: If a bin, or shelf is marked "50 percent off," ignore it. There's probably a very good reason why the stuff's discounted to begin with. Pay full price somewhere else. Like I say, you'll pay more, but you'll be alive. Trust me on this one.

Tip three: Don't be nasty. It's the holidays for god's sake, act like it. You don't like being squished like a sardine in a store? I don't like being squished like a sardine in a store. At least you're probably smaller than me and can still move around. You don't see me belly-aching. So shut up and deal with it. Extra points if you smile.

Tip four: If you have screaming kids, give them something to do. A perfectly fine project is sitting them near a sales rack and encouraging them to remove all sales tags from all items. It keeps them busy. And if you're lucky you can go to the cashier and say the tagless item you're buying was most certainly 70 percent off. Try it, you never know.

And finally, tip five: If on a long line, tell the person in front of you, that you really, really have to go to the bathroom and really look like you have to go to the bathroom. Kids saying the same is a bonus, but not a guarantee -- because all kids have to go to the bathroom all the time. Nevertheless, you'll be amazed the people who let you cut in, namely because they fear what happens if they don't.

So there you have it, my final shopping tips for the next two weeks. Go out there, smile, hug your fellow shopper instead of elbowing him, squirm a lot at the register and remember, 'tis the season.

Now go out there and make me proud!

Watch Neil Cavuto's Common Sense weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on Your World w/Cavuto.
 

Copyright FOX News Network, LLC 2002. All rights reserved.
All market data delayed 20 minutes.

Pretty good ideas......thanx!

They all sound about right to me.      I know its a real madhouse out there amongst the wild life in the malls.