Newest Stock Market Terms

> New Stock Market Terms

> CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

> CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

> BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake

> himself for a financial genius

> BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,

> the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

> VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

> P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the

> market keeps crashing.

> BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.

> STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

> STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

> STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets

> equally between themselves.

> MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

> CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the

toilet.

> YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240

> per share.

> WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought

> Yahoo at $240 per share.

> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a

> nuthouse.

> PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use..

> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines

> one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG

> one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers

> one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

> But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer

> one year ago, drank all the beer,

> then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,

> you will have received $214.00.

> Based on the above, the best current investment plan

> is to drink heavily & recycle.

> It's called the 401-Keg.

> PS. GM stock is now worth less than a gallon of Gasoline (Low Octane)

> and

> stock cost less than two fluorescent light bulbs