A pirate walked into a bar and the
bartender said, 'Hey, I
haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look
terrible.'

 'What do you mean?' said the pirate. 'I feel
fine.'

 Bartender: 'What about the
wooden leg? You didn't have that
before.'
 Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon
ball, but
 I'm fine now.'

 Bartender: 'Well, okay, but what
about that hook? What happened to your
 hand?'

 Pirate: 'We
were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
 sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine,

 really.'

 Bartender: 'What about that eye
patch?'

 Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds
flew over. I
 looked up and one of them crap in my
eye.'

 'You're kidding,' said the bartender. 'You lost an eye just
from
 bird crap:'

 Pirate: 'It was my first day with the
hook.'