Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

LOL very good thank for the laugh

A wife came in the room to find her husband crying profusely.

"Why are you crying?" she asked.

He replied "Do you remember when your father found out you were pregnant and threatened me with twenty years in jail if I didn't marry you?"

"Yes, I do" she remembered.

"Well, today I would have gotten out!"

If you chase them long enough, they will catch you.

Marrage is a fine institution, but then so is San Quention.

Ken,

Doesn't it seem, that the longer you're married, the funnier these jokes are?

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!!!"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"


AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)


13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there."

Yea Alan, your right. They do get funnier. My wife thinks her versions do the same thing.
It fun to laugh at the newbies in wedded bliss.

kstyer said: Marrage is a fine institution, but then so is San Quention.

We used to have a saying like this in the corps..

"The Marine Corps is a fine organization with over two hundred years of history and tradition... Unhindered by progress."

cthulhu said:   kstyer said: Marrage is a fine institution, but then so is San Quention.   We used to have a saying like this in the corps.. "The Marine Corps is a fine organization with over two hundred years of history and tradition... Unhindered by progress."

That sucks...this is more realistic->"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference to this world...the Marines dont have that problem."...-President Ronald Reagan.-

C3RVETTE said:That sucks

the SSGT who told me the "progress" saying sure didnt seem to think it sucked. He was our armorer and was frustrated that we had 45's dating back to the korean war that were falling apart and everyone else had the M-9.

I was NBC NCO, I was frustrated since we were the last ones to get the new gas masks.

I personally thought they spent too much time doing things the old fashioned way. I personally wrote a DB that turned the training NCO billet into a nearly paperless job that hardly required any time to perform. Took me less time to get it setup than it did to update one set of rifle and swim qual records on paper. I also set up a DB for embark. Once other units heard I had it.. people thought I was a life saver.

I guess it just depends on whether you think the old fashioned way is the best.

As for realism, in my view of reality the saying is dead on. Lack of progress does not take away from their effectiveness. In your reality, everday may be a holiday, every meal a fest, every paycheck a fortune and every formation a family reunion.

I was merely adding a little levity to a humourous thread, in that I may have failed, my saying might not be as funny to you as it was to the people I served with, yet I doubt that it warranted such a redneck response.

|UPDATED|6/24/2004 11:27:43 PM (AZT)|/UPDATED|