Merry Christmas, Happy new year, and THANKS! My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you
who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12
months.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

* Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal
an envelope.

* Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of
your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can
remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.

* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.

* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the
internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,357,258th time).

* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now
return the favor! If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in
the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's son, who is actually a lesbian
trapped in a mans body!

               

              

           

              

 

I Love this one.  

Thanks a LOT! 

Joel,

I am not sure where this site would be without you. ( but I'm still thinking about it. ) I have enjoyed your wit and advice. In all, seriously I think we should be giving you a sincere Thank You. I look forward to experiencing more of this same punishment from you in 2006.
I hope you & your family have a great Holiday in the Donut Capital of the World. (you do live in Duncanville right?

I didn't send those emails man! I swear!

Now I have to dodge that d*mn pigeon everyday now at 5:00. THANKS!

Sarge

Thank you for the warning about the piegon, fortunately we live where the sea gulls eat the piegons, which really gives them the runs, which is really okay because it rains so damn much that it washes the crap off the paint before it has time to do any real damage, except for the pollutes that fall to earth in the rain that mixes with the bird crap, now that does some serious damage, BTW, what time was that again, oh crap 10pm PST and I just heard something heavy fall on the roof, be right back might santa early.(pause) nope just drunk sea gulls looking for a car in dunkenville...

Merry Christmas to all and to all Gods Blessing

Larry and family

That was so coool

Does the acohol in the drunk sea gull crap cause a PH balance and negates the effects of the acid rain?  Or does it compound the effect?  Is this different from sober sea gulls?  What about the pigen poop, sober or drunk?

I think we should call Ralph Nader at once and have him lauch another one of his crap investigations!

Ken, I think you're spending too much time on the ground under your car  

Due to the stress Ken has been under this year, I think it's understandable!!!

btw.....I called Ralphie-boy....he's too busy cleanin' poo-poo off his pedal car!