Topic: The Beer Scooter
in Forum: Humor
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How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard nights drinking and thought '...How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer to this conundrum is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works like this: The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained indiscussions over a period of time. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction, thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and Pizza crusts.
Another question answered!! For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
Jon,-Majestic Glass Corvette Club-....Red #72,blk.interior,1979 C3 Corvette-TH350,Weiand,Holley,glass tops,Pioneer,3.55's,K&N,Dynomax,Flowmaster 40's,Energy Suspension,Spicer,VB&P(pics soon); 1978 Olds Cutlass Supreme 350/350,Dk. Blue 2-door Coupe-Hotchkis,PST,K&N,XM...'99 Mitsubishi Galant GTZ V6,black/grey leather,intake,strut bars,tint... |IMG|http://www.msnusers.com/cutlasscorvetteworkinprogress/shoebox.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=63|/IMG|
So many mysteries are clear now!
Lifetime MemberModerator
Thanks for clearing that up. I'll use it next time I need an excuse!
Joel Adams
C3VR Lifetime Member #56 
My Link 
(click for Texas-sized view!) NCRS
"Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comforting to cry in a CORVETTE than in a Kia"
Being a fairly technical person, I find this fasinating. 
Now could you come up with something to explain the socks missing from the dryer? 
I just gotta know......
Being a fairly technical person, I find this fasinating.
Now could you come up with something to explain the socks missing from the dryer? I just gotta know......
I believe its a planet where all discarded sock puppets reside 
Jon,-Majestic Glass Corvette Club-....Red #72,blk.interior,1979 C3 Corvette-TH350,Weiand,Holley,glass tops,Pioneer,3.55's,K&N,Dynomax,Flowmaster 40's,Energy Suspension,Spicer,VB&P(pics soon); 1978 Olds Cutlass Supreme 350/350,Dk. Blue 2-door Coupe-Hotchkis,PST,K&N,XM...'99 Mitsubishi Galant GTZ V6,black/grey leather,intake,strut bars,tint... |IMG|http://www.msnusers.com/cutlasscorvetteworkinprogress/shoebox.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=63|/IMG|
Lifetime MemberBeing a fairly technical person, I find this fasinating.
Now could you come up with something to explain the socks missing from the dryer? I just gotta know......
[/QUOTE]
I always thought it was the "Sock Gnomes"
The "Underwear Gnomes" theory was revealed on one episode of South Park.
Alan
Worm holes to another planet with sock puppets. That explains Lamb Chop and Sherry Lewis. 
If I hook up the 220 to the dryer in reverse, and cause the tub to spin the other way, will my socks come back? 
And will they be cold and wet when they get here?
Worm holes to another planet with sock puppets. That explains Lamb Chop and Sherry Lewis.
If I hook up the 220 to the dryer in reverse, and cause the tub to spin the other way, will my socks come back? And will they be cold and wet when they get here?
Jon,-Majestic Glass Corvette Club-....Red #72,blk.interior,1979 C3 Corvette-TH350,Weiand,Holley,glass tops,Pioneer,3.55's,K&N,Dynomax,Flowmaster 40's,Energy Suspension,Spicer,VB&P(pics soon); 1978 Olds Cutlass Supreme 350/350,Dk. Blue 2-door Coupe-Hotchkis,PST,K&N,XM...'99 Mitsubishi Galant GTZ V6,black/grey leather,intake,strut bars,tint... |IMG|http://www.msnusers.com/cutlasscorvetteworkinprogress/shoebox.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=63|/IMG|
Lifetime MemberMy wife and I have come to a conclusion there must be a Margarita Taxi as well since our friends experienced similar conditions desribed previously Saturday morning. This was after having spent the evening before with 5 other couples at a local Mexican establishment. Our mis- fortune (or fortune) is living within in walking distance of the before mentioned place. Denada Senior~!!
