I NEVER FIGURED OUT…  A MAN’S POINT OF VIEW

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:  One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." 

I said "WHAT??!!      What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear ... "You're not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.  We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, upscale department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit.”

We went on to the jewelry department, where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you ... she was so excited!  She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! 

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.  I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."  She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement!

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey.  I don't feel like it." 

Her face went completely blank, as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she got this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

…Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

I already have sex tonight.  That's why I'm up now. 

I'll like it - I'll try it tonight - got nothing to loose except another night on the couch

Big Al

Sounds like one man who is lucky to still be alive.  Perhaps he's in a protection program.