TO:  GOD
FROM: THE DOG
 
Dear God:  Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God:  Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

  Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the  colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often  do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

  Dear God:  If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

 
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and  Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:  Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I  have to apologize?
Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.  
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just  because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a  cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The  garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play  tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying  'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The  cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that  noise, it's usually not a good thing.

 P.S.  Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?