What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was

starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50

pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that

it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog

food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a

poodle's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.

Sam Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask

retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of  crazy

things to say.