Topic: When Men Are Forced To Shop
in Forum: Humor
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When Men Are Forced To Shop…
After Mr. and Mrs. Moloney retired to Naples FL, Mrs. Moloney insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Moloney found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Moloney loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Moloney got the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Moloney,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Moloney are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2, July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official voice: “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”
5. August 4: At the Service Desk, tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a “WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.”
One day Mrs. Moloney got the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Moloney,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Moloney are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2, July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official voice: “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”
5. August 4: At the Service Desk, tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a “WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.”
The difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys!!
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Lifetime MemberGreensburg, IN - USA
Joined: 9/24/2003
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Some people call this behavior crazy, others have given it the name alzheimers. Me, I call it payback......
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Yelm, WA - USA
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That's awesome! We got a brand new shiny, super wal mart out here now finally, I fit in pretty good with all the good hillfolk there. The other one in town we used to have to go too made me miss having my body armor and m4 on hand. 
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HAS MOTION HOOD SCOOP, REVERSED GILLS
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LOOKS FAST STANDING STILL !!
i love it !!
gonna do some of those this weekend !!!!!
joe
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I like to tell the greeter that I'm their replacement and they can take a half-hour break.
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Very good ideas..............If my wife drags me to a Wallmart........I'll have to consider using some of the things that were stated.
corvette440hp
Lifetime MemberHOWELL, NJ - USA
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He's more sane than me
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in Forum: Humor
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