WHY SOME ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS
>
> 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
> "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
>
> 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
> "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.."
>
> 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
> "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
> Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
>
> 4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
> "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings..."
>
> 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
> "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
>
> 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
> "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..."
> (Now that is beautiful)
>
> 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
> "You guys line up alphabetically by height..."
> And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
>
> 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
> "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.."
>
> 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
> "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
>
> 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
> "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
>
> 11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
> "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
> (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
>
> 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
> "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
> He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
>
> 13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
> "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
>
> 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
> "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
>
> 15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
> Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."