I don't know where my baby sister finds this kind of stuff. 

 

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The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, during her life a woman goes through three phases.  In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.  In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.  After fifty, they are like onions.'

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, during his life a man goes through three phases - each like a different type of tree.  In his twenties, he is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.  In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.  After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.'