As I get older...

I’ve learned you cannot make someone love you…
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people are just a s s holes.

I’ve learned it takes years to build up trust,
And it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.
After that, you better have a big wienie, or big boobs.

I’ve learned you shouldn’t compare yourself to others-
They’re more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do,
Unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
The passion fades, and there better be a LOT of money to take its place.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time something isn’t working in your house,
one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just won’t go away.


If you have enjoyed all of the things I have learned, pass them along to your friends, and they’ll appreciate it, trust me.
Who knows, maybe something good will happen.


If not,
Tough s h i t .

Man that is one scary looking dude