Home page
SPONSOR AD SPONSOR AD

Topic: Tools & Their Use

in Forum: Off Topic


Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/18/06 5:40pm Message 1 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Send PM
Greensburg, IN - USA
Joined: 9/24/2003
Posts: 5189
Vette(s): Previous: 1984 Coupe, 1988 Maroon Coupe, 1989 Coupe, 2001 Roadster Present: 1967 Stingray Roadster, 1976 Stingray Coupe, 1989 Roadster..
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.


WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about
the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."


ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
Holes until you die of old age.


PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to further round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile
upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any
known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on
everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably
has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
opposite the handle.


AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes
called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine
vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night.
Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light
bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shecks might be used
during, say,
the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than
light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing
oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to
strip out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench
that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 50 years ago by
someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.


PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
not far from the object we are trying to hit.


MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs.
It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, also referred to as mechanic's lube, usually
applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and
indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.



Tuxblacray2006-09-18 17:57:24


SPONSOR AD:: (Our Sponsors help support C3VR)

Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/18/06 6:13pm Message 2 of 9
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Send PM
Gresham, OR - USA
Joined: 9/4/2006
Posts: 652
Vette(s): 1977 Maroon T-Top
We have lots of those Dammit Tools around our house!  Except, Dammit isn't exactly the word that's used most often....


Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/18/06 6:39pm Message 3 of 9
Former Member
Send PM
Joined: 9/18/2006
Posts: 10

Golly!!! Grannie would wash my danged mouth out with possum soap iffin I said that!

 
6sec
Jethro2006-09-18 18:39:54


Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/18/06 6:45pm Message 4 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Send PM
Greensburg, IN - USA
Joined: 9/24/2003
Posts: 5189
Vette(s): Previous: 1984 Coupe, 1988 Maroon Coupe, 1989 Coupe, 2001 Roadster Present: 1967 Stingray Roadster, 1976 Stingray Coupe, 1989 Roadster..
[QUOTE=Jethro]

Golly!!! Grannie would wash my danged mouth out with possum soap iffin I said that!


 

6sec
[/QUOTE]


Hey Joel the new guy said iffin.... Woo Hoo wez got us a nuther...

Purty soon we be takin over this here site!


Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/19/06 7:26am Message 5 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Moderator
Send PM
Duncanville, TX - USA
Joined: 11/8/2003
Posts: 20226
Vette(s): #1-1974 L-48 4spd Cp Med Red Metallic/Black deluxe int w/AC/tilt/tele./p/w-p/b/ Am-Fm/map light National/Regional/Chapter NCRS "Top Flight" #2-1985 Bright Red/Carmine Cp.L-98/auto Member: NCRS, NCRS Texas, Corvette Legends of Texas
I don no, Larry....I thank he's a poser!


Joel Adams
C3VR Lifetime Member #56    

My Link


(click for Texas-sized view!)
             NCRS

"Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comforting to cry in a CORVETTE than in a Kia"

Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/19/06 3:56pm Message 6 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Send PM
Greensburg, IN - USA
Joined: 9/24/2003
Posts: 5189
Vette(s): Previous: 1984 Coupe, 1988 Maroon Coupe, 1989 Coupe, 2001 Roadster Present: 1967 Stingray Roadster, 1976 Stingray Coupe, 1989 Roadster..

Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/19/06 6:21pm Message 7 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Moderator
Send PM
Duncanville, TX - USA
Joined: 11/8/2003
Posts: 20226
Vette(s): #1-1974 L-48 4spd Cp Med Red Metallic/Black deluxe int w/AC/tilt/tele./p/w-p/b/ Am-Fm/map light National/Regional/Chapter NCRS "Top Flight" #2-1985 Bright Red/Carmine Cp.L-98/auto Member: NCRS, NCRS Texas, Corvette Legends of Texas
Naw...I thank ol Jethro cain't git no job as a dubble-not spy, or as a big holly-wood movie prodoocer. I thank thay may be skeered-a his sicks grade edgycation ...shucks..he mite even be two smart tuh raise hogs anymore...I thank he's a-headin back to thu hills thar 'round Bugtussel.


Joel Adams
C3VR Lifetime Member #56    

My Link


(click for Texas-sized view!)
             NCRS

"Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comforting to cry in a CORVETTE than in a Kia"

Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/19/06 6:31pm Message 8 of 9
Former Member
Send PM
Joined: 9/18/2006
Posts: 10
Doggonit fellers...ya'll talk like ya no me or sumpthin...ya'll ever been tuh Hooterville? Pixlie?

I don't thank I ever heered of none of them tools up thar....them some of them fancy as-tro-nut tools er sumpthin?



Tools & Their Use

Posted: 9/19/06 7:41pm Message 9 of 9
Profile Pic
Lifetime MemberLifetime Member
Moderator
Send PM
CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH - USA
Joined: 12/2/2003
Posts: 6424
Vette(s): 1975 C3 Red, T-Tops, Black Interior. All I need is time and money! Getting there!
Shucks, all ya really need is a par of pliers, wire, duct tape, and a really big hammer for those fine adjustments!


in Forum: Off Topic


SPONSOR AD: (Our Sponsors help support C3VR)