A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Corvette parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $45,000 Corvette as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Corvette into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replied, ... "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car.
The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass."
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A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new 2001 C5 torch-red convertible, and was having trouble figuring out how to tune in the radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio. "Miss," the salesman said, "this is a very sophisticated radio. There is no requirement to use buttons or dials. You merely give voice commands to whatever type of program you desire."
So after she received her instructions, she headed out onto the highway. "Country music" she said, and instantly Garth Brooks was singing away on a country station. After a while, she said, "Oldies," and instantly she heard Rod Stewart.
A few minutes later, a redneck in an old pickup truck cut her off in traffic. "Pervert!!!" she yelled. The radio paused for a second and then announced "Ladies and Gentlemen, Bill Clinton - the President of the United States."
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A Lutheran minister is driving his Corvette down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Zora Arkus Duntov dies and goes to heaven...
At the Gates, St. Peter greets Zora, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention...the Corvette...has changed the sports car world." As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Zora thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself."
So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Zora to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Zora then asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Zora, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust port.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous. Just to name a few."
"Hmmm...," replies God, "hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it.
God then turns to Zora, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Corvette," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....
Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day and this is the end of my shift. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop, I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding (in his C5) and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the blonde ^&%*# who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Gun ? What gun ?? ...there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it
Driver: I said what ???? Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah - And I'll bet the lying SOB told you I was speeding, too!
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Jon,-Majestic Glass Corvette Club-....Red #72,blk.interior,1979 C3 Corvette-TH350,Weiand,Holley,glass tops,Pioneer,3.55's,K&N,Dynomax,Flowmaster 40's,Energy Suspension,Spicer,VB&P(pics soon); 1978 Olds Cutlass Supreme 350/350,Dk. Blue 2-door Coupe-Hotchkis,PST,K&N,XM...'99 Mitsubishi Galant GTZ V6,black/grey leather,intake,strut bars,tint... |IMG|http://www.msnusers.com/cutlasscorvetteworkinprogress/shoebox.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=63|/IMG|
